Sunday, May 12th, 2013
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9:29 am - ACA sponsorship workshop, June 1 in San Francisco
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Friday, January 25th, 2013
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10:08 pm - In a thoughtful mood tonight
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vic_vega66
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Apologies if this is rambly and makes no sense.
I have always had an uneasy relationship with my father, I remember being frightened of him from an early age but also admiring and loving him a great deal.
He was always a heavy drinker, a bottle of vodka a night and lots of prescription drugs, Valium, Librium, Temezapam and Mogodon (this was in the 70's and 80's when doctors in the UK handed these drugs out like sweets) when the doctor stopped giving him prescriptions he switched to recreational drugs, vast amounts of dope, and I mean VAST amounts.
The rot really set in when he tried to punch me when I was pregnant with my son, I was working for him in the nightclub he owned and he took exception to something I said, I don't remember what it was. I never felt the same way about him after that.
His moods were very cyclical; intense paranoia (which could last for a week) terrifying rages, normality, over the top bouts of happiness and then the slide back into paranoia and so it continued. Looking back I'm fairly sure he was suffering from some sort of mental illness or it could have been the drink and the drugs who knows? He was truly terrifying and if I could have become invisible I would have done.
Eventually I decided to cut all contact with him and he moved overseas with his wife and my half brother. He passed away in April of last year and I found out from my step mother that he had declared his intention of drinking himself to death some 18 months ago and had duly done so - my step mother said he was drinking two litres of vodka a day towards the end and was on oxygen for emphaseema.
I was very shocked at how truly devastated I was even though we hadn't had any contact for over ten years, I did get to say goodbye, privately, the funeral was overseas and was done and dusted by the time I found out about it.
I miss him but I don't regret breaking off contact with him when I did.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, January 10th, 2013
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9:41 am - My Wee Inspirational Mini-Poster (Made by an ACoA for ACoAs)
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amy_eden
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Originally posted by  amy_eden at My Wee Inspirational Mini-Poster (Made by an ACoA for ACoAs)I made a mini-poster that I hope is a fun, pretty, handy, and an inspirational tool for all. Yay! Hoping to feel like ME in 2013! http://tinyurl.com/agmw47o(The backstory to this poster is that I've been home sick with Type A Influenza for a few days--like, slammed to the ground with it--and, like a true adult child from a demanding, rigid, don't-be-idle, nothing's-good-enough childhood, I haven't just rested every moment. But, I made something! I nourished my creative side! And it's actually a gift for everyone.) Er, not that I have to explain myself....to anyone... :-) amy |
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 21st, 2012
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4:07 am
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blackswan1983
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Something freaky just happened over here and I liked it. My mother woke up and was screaming at me and Swanjr for still being awake. We are night owls on vacation time. The conversation went something like: What the h are you doing awake? It's four o'clock in the morning you no good mother!
I was hungry, I'm gonna make my leftover pupusas. Not in my kitchen! You're going to leave a huge mess like you always do! Your projecting into the future. Is that some channeling bs your coming up with now?
No it's psychology.
Whatever get Swanjr off of MY computer.
It doesn't affect you if he uses your computer while you are sleeping, your taking ownership because you are angry and want to lash out.
You're not my mother!
Well somebody has to be the mother and you aren't. And in a grotesque moment something shifted in her, this dark sulky energy leered out from within the confines of her ego. I felt the world shift. You're ruining my life!!! You're choosing to ruin your own life. His using the computer and my eating a pupusa doesn't affect you ( we were being very quiet and all lights were off, she had only gotten up to go to the bathroom and was angry when she saw us)
You are being very controlling and it's innappropriate. Part of her died. I felt her sort of submit to me, like she was a teenager and I was a confident mother. I am so proud of myself. I got me here. Nobody can pull the wool out from under me (or something like that, I just know I'm mixing that up with wool over my eyes!) lol Nobody can pull the rug out from underneath me! That's better.
They can't pull the wool over my eyes either. I am Adult Period
Wow
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, August 25th, 2012
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11:55 am - ACA Big Book now on Kindle and Nook eReaders
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Saturday, August 18th, 2012
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7:53 am
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blackswan1983
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This article is so important. It talks about that part of us at our core that feels like we need to change something to be loved. If you are a teacher, this article will change how you relate to your students. If you have felt shame, it will change how you relate to yourself. I am getting this article out to as many people as possible because it is such a huge contribution to the discourse on self esteem and mental health. Please read it, you won't be sorry.
http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/tshame.html Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, June 16th, 2012
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10:55 am - Self-Acceptance, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Love
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acacosponsor
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“Forgiving ourselves is foreign to most of us because self-forgiveness is nurturing and affirming. In most of our homes, we never heard of such talk. We must seriously consider the concept of self-forgiveness and practice it if we are to make progress in ACA. Without self-forgiveness, we tend to avoid embracing our successes in life, and we feel unworthy of loving relationships. In ACA, we learn to forgive ourselves by degrees until we become comfortable with this spiritual concept.” Page 234 in the ACA Big Book
Seed questions and quotations about self-acceptance
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, June 2nd, 2012
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12:58 pm - Breaking Down Walls
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charilsee
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All my life for as long as I can remember I have been shy and withdrawn. I just accepted that as my personality. Well long story short I am the child of a now and then alcoholic father. I grew up in a household where my dad had drunken rages, got missing a few days at a time, and there were nights where he kept my sister and I up to the wee hours in the morning just talking non sense. I also wasn't very popular among my peers so I was also picked on in school. Any case I found refuge alone and I stayed in my room alot. I was an excellent student. I learned to cope with my life that way but now its ruining my life. I can't keep a relationship. People tell me I have an emotional wall up. I don't know how to break that wall down. Trusting someone is really hard to do. I feel like if I leave myself open it will open up a world of pain that I can't control. Losing control is a huge fear. I have to maintain order and stability in all situations or it drives me crazy.
In public places where there is a lot of people that I am not familiar with, I have anxiety attacks. My breathing gets labored, I get hot and sweaty and my mind starts racing. I have come to the point where I limit the public places I go to. I avoid going to social event with other people, I have avoided Wal-Mart and even the movies just because those attacks.
One of my greatest fears is that I really start isolating myself and it affect my life more than it already has. Has anyone experienced this and do you have any tips on how to overcome it outside of therapy? I am currently seeking that now but I want to move on with my life and this is just hindering me from doing so.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, May 10th, 2012
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6:40 pm - Transformation.
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prtbleobserver
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There is a fear revolving around the idea that children will inescapably morph into their parents. We invest so much energy in trying to avoid mimicking our mother's scrutiny and our father's bodily functions, praying that we opt out of the parenting experience that we had when we were kids. But for children of alcoholics, the fear is far more specific and deep-rooted.
( just to be safe - cut for lengthCollapse )
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, April 28th, 2012
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10:57 am - Boundaries: Inspiration and practical guidance
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Monday, February 13th, 2012
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12:58 pm - Taking it on the road - the Adult Child workshop is happening!
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amy_eden
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Hi guys,
I wanted to share that Judy Klipin invited me to co-facilitate an Adult Child workshop with her next month -- focused on life skills. A dream come true! I'm excited! I wanted to share that with you all, especially if you'll be in the greater D.C. area on March 24-25th.
What I'm most looking forward to is being in the company of other sensitive, resilient people who are becoming happy adults after managing to survive a traumatic childhood.
Judy and I are both adult children of alcoholics - she's from Johannesburg, South Africa and I'm from Northern California (and Minnesota).
Check it out!
Here are all the details: http://guesswhatnormalis.com/?p=1287
Thanks! :-) amy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, November 24th, 2011
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8:38 am - Giving Thanks: Seed Questions
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Thursday, October 20th, 2011
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3:04 pm - Unemployment: I can change the rules
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apel
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Back in 2003 I was unemployed for most of the year. I was living off my savings and doing everything I could to get a job, but I was still feeling guilty. In an entry on my LJ, I used the daily affirmation for that day to investigate the family rules around work, pleasure and relaxation.
If you're unemployed or have dealt with similar issues, please share your experience, strength and hope here or over in my LJ.
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, October 15th, 2011
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8:39 pm - What to expect when attending your first meeting
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Sunday, October 9th, 2011
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10:02 pm - Old Readings
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Friday, August 5th, 2011
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5:51 pm - Step study meetings starting
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acacosponsor
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Two new step study meetings are starting in Palo Alto, California. If you're local and want to work the ACA steps, this is a great chance. Comment in my LJ and I'll put you in touch with the meeting leaders.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
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3:54 pm - Promises 7 & 8
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Monday, June 27th, 2011
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11:03 pm
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smileycrayons
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Hi, I'm 20 years old and still live with my alcoholic mother. I've decided that I want to start going to meetings in my area, but I'm not sure which I should go to: ACoA, or Al-anon? I don't really understand the difference so I was wondering if anyone has information/experience with those and could help me decide which meetings to go to. Thank you!
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, June 18th, 2011
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1:01 am
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labelleizzy
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I am not responsible for anyone's happiness but mine, though I'll facilitate for others if I can.
I am not responsible for anyone's healing but mine...
I am not responsible for anyone's epiphany but mine, nor anyone's relationship with Deity but mine with God as I understand Them.
I am not responsible for anyone's expectations about how life, or an event, or my actions or reactions to words or situations, "should be". Their expectations are THEIRS and I will not carry them.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink; THIS horse (I.e., Me) is going to drink the water she can hold for now, then go graze and switch flies. This horse might go for a run or roll on the grass or snitch an apple just because it would be fun.
And no other horse snorting their disapproval or claiming they are disappointed by my actions will make me stop having fun. Or drinking water when it's time to drink water. They can join me in the play, or the grazing or the drinking, but damn if imma let them spoil my fun and my play anymore.
Posted via LjBeetle
current mood: exasperated
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, June 13th, 2011
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3:16 pm - ACA Promises 5 and 6
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acoa